Nurture, Cherish, Succeed

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Nurture, Cherish, Succeed

Nurture, Cherish, Succeed

  1. Pupils
  2. Staying safe online
  3. Asking an Adult for Help

Asking an adult for help

If you have a problem you can’t fix on your own, it’s a good idea to speak to an adult you trust. Telling someone you need help isn’t always easy, but we have some advice to help you.

 

How can talking to an adult help?

Talking about your problems to someone you trust means they can help you see things differently. They can give you new ideas about how to cope, or help you change things in your life that worry you. Once you tell someone, they can be there for you in the future too.

Putting things into words helps. Sometimes it's just good to say what's on your mind. Talking to someone could make you feel like you don't have to deal with it on your own and make things feel more manageable.

 

Top tips to remember:

  • choose someone you feel safe with
  • plan what you want to say
  • make sure it’s a good time to talk and that they aren't distracted 
  • you have control over how much you tell someone - you don’t have to say everything if you don’t want to
  • you can ask them before you say anything to keep what you've said private.

 

Who should I talk to?

If you want to ask an adult for help, make sure it’s a person you trust and feel safe with. They might be someone you feel close to, or have helped you with something before. They could be anyone, such as a:

  • parent, carer, or someone else in your family
  • friend’s parent or carer, or a neighbour
  • teacher, sports coach or a member of staff at your school
  • doctor, school nurse or a school counsellor
  • religious leader, for example a priest, imam or rabbi.

Talking to a counsellor can help you work out who that trusted person could be for you.

 

How to start a conversation

Try these conversation starters:

  • "I want to tell you something but I don't know how."
  • "This is hard for me to say, but I have something important to tell you.”
  • “I need some advice on something I’m stressed about.”

If you're still not sure how to start a conversation, there are lots of things you can do:

Write a letter

Writing a letter or leaving a note can be a great way to start a conversation with someone you trust. Especially if telling someone in person seems difficult.

If you're thinking about sending a letter or message, it can help to:

  • decide who you'll give it to and when
  • remember you don't need to say everything if you don't want to
  • think about whether the letter might need to be shared, especially if someone's worried about your safety
  • be careful about saving it on a shared device
  • plan what you'd like to do next.

If you're not sure how to start your letter, try downloading our template.

Writing things down isn't always easy. If you're not sure how or you're worried, you can always talk to a Childline counsellor for advice.

Ask if they can keep what you tell them private

Different professionals (like doctors and teachers) have different rules about keeping something they’ve been told private or confidential. Sometimes they have to pass on certain things, and sometimes it's down to their own personal decision.

If you’re worried about confidentiality and what can be kept private, you can ask someone about it before you tell them anything. Most professionals have a responsibility to tell you their policy.

If they’re worried about your safety, some adults have to tell someone else. This is so they can help you in the best way.

If you’re not sure about talking to Childline, you can read our confidentiality promise.

Talk about something else first

Sometimes it's hard to know how to bring up a difficult issue, or you might be worried about how someone will react.

Try starting by talking about something else that mentions the issue. It could be anything, like Facebook, TV or a book. Or even something at school.

You could also try saying that you're asking for a friend. Sometimes it's easier to talk when you're pretending you aren't talking about yourself. If the person you speak to is supportive, you could tell them that it's really about you.

Young people have told us:

  • "I found it hard to tell my dad I have anorexia, so I said: 'What do you think about that person on Hollyoaks who is anorexic?'"
  • "It was too difficult to say to my grandma that my mum hits me, so I said: 'Today at school we talked about what domestic violence is."
  • "I first told my mum that I feel low all the time by asking her if she had seen a show on TV about depression."

Updated October 2024